Alone.

I like to be alone – I like being alone – I need time by myself without another person around or in earshot or in sight or in existence (ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point).

Sometimes I’m lonely with people around, but when I’m alone I feel alive, not lonely. It is good for me to have no one to talk to or about – just me, alone. I need more time alone. Where do I go to be alone? People are everywhere with their penetrating stares, busy attitudes and intriguing personas. They draw me in – like an aquarium or zoo exhibit, only in reverse; they move while I sit and observe.

With even a small dose of caffeine directed into my blood stream via hot, thick Costa Rican coffee (in a French press of course) my heart rate quickens alone. I like to read. Reading is a delicious side dish and goes great with being alone. I would guess 75% of my time alone is spent reading.

I like to write – I’m doing it more and more, write now actually…I’m guessing 10-20% of my time alone I’m writing (although I’m barely alone right now as the barista bangs the espresso machine in frustration and a small child tries her tap dancing skills across the floor weaving between two elderly newspaper readers).

In reality, I have very little time alone. I’m talking to myself or responding and discussing with the author or the blank page. I’m not alone.

I often neglect being alone – it feels so selfish – the kids want to be with me and I love being with them. My wife wants me and I want her. Friends and family, expectations in public – needy people and neighbors – truly alone is a commodity, a treasure, a source of pure energy. I need alone to survive. I need alone to thrive.

But my alone is not the alone you may be thinking. Alone is peace. Alone is solitude. Alone is private time with the Creator of the Universe. The best part of being alone is knowing, seeing, feeling; developing more of an awareness of Jesus in and through me with the Holy Spirit.

When I’m alone, I can face myself and God and I don’t confuse the two.

Then Alone launches me back out into the foray.

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