Making Love to Make it Last

If you want your marriage to last, have sex as much as possible.

Now if you’re not familiar with me or my blog…yes, I’m a guy.

I’m also a Pastor. But after 15+ years of marriage, my wife would whole-heartedly (and whole-bodily) agree. So, before you think I’m a holy roller religious fanatic and crazy Jesus freak…or some weird pervert…keep an open mind and try this out.

My advice to have sex as much as possible is actually thousands of years old and comes right out of the dusty Holy Bible on your shelf. The first century Jew had set times of prayer three times a day at morning, afternoon and evening. They dedicated themselves to the observing the Sabbath, which meant doing nothing productive (in our terms) on the seventh day of every week. Repeatedly they observed and followed a huge list of rules, practices and festivals. One of the most renowned Jews was a man named Paul who became a follower of Jesus. Even though Paul was single, he knew the importance of sex in marriage. He wrote these three sentences (found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5):

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”

“Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

In these three simple sentences we find three “sex acts” that lead to a great marriage and a great sex life.

Act One: Fulfill your duty
Paul is basically saying that in marriage spouses owe sex to their partner much as one owes repayment on a debt. In marriage we’re required to meet the sexual needs of our partner. Now there are exceptions (don’t get too crazy) and this is not the place to detail those. But as both husband and wife come together, they can agree on mutually offering their bodies to one another.

Sounds great! But let’s be honest, sometimes our spouse can drive us crazy more than they drive us crazy sexually. So some quick tips:

Husbands, the best foreplay is simply serving your wife. Do the dishes, tell her she is beautiful, help with the kids, ask her about her day first and be available to her.

Wives, the best foreplay is anything. OK, seriously, initiate! It doesn’t take much, but being the one to get things started goes a long way. As you initiate you show us respect and nothing goes further (well, lingerie helps).

Act Two: Give yourself away
Husbands; your wife’s body belongs to you! Wives, your husband’s body belongs to you! Yes, your body is yours, but God has designed us to give ourselves away in the act of making love.

This is not just about the physical body. This is about our whole body, which would include your physical body, emotional heart, intellectual mind and spiritual soul. All of you! That’s why sex is so powerful, it fully involves your whole person.

When we give ourselves away and put our spouse’s needs above our own, sex becomes a beautiful act way beyond biology. There is nothing like two people full giving of themselves to each other. Pour out yourself and all that you have for your spouse in the act of sex. Fully give yourself to your spouse. When that is reciprocal – well, that’s why you lock the door (is it hot in here?).

Act Three: Stop only for prayer
The final act is to keep on doing acts one and two. It seems the only reason to stop is to pray and only if both husband and wife agree. On top of that – this is to be for a set period of time.

So, basically, keep at it, don’t stop and don’t forget and don’t put it off! Life gets busy and we can lose connection with our spouse. We catch up after a long day and then we’re right back to the kids or the job or Facebook or…Stay connected to each other sexually.

If you’re married, sex should be a top priority! If you give yourself away to your spouse, fulfilling your marital duties and only stop to dedicate yourselves to prayer, you will build more than just a great sex life. You will build a great marriage. Try it and see what happens.


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